June 26, 2007
12:55 am
He once told me stories about how I was the one, how I was the warmth he needed to get to sleep at night. I was kept around by the need to be needed with no strings attached or so at least I thought. But the string so happened to be attached to me. I was the puppet played to the word love used up for the purpose of being wanted but not needed. Kept around as a house keeper wanted for the usage of leaning upon for my strength. I was Superman and he my kryptonite and he sucked me dry got my last tear and my final sigh and so he used to love me or so I thought.
I was the person I thought he called last before he went to bed, but then you find his phone rung long after I hung up and she was also there a secret woman with a different warmth in a different kind of place that held him long after I did so where did this love or lack there of leave me. Left standing on the side of a street waiting for the next one with the pocket full of promises to come along. with the promise of happiness and days full of kisses and the thoughts that when I fall asleep at night, the shivers I have will be comforted by him and the warmth provided by him and him alone. And he’d be there no matter what. And so again I go into this half blind and unknowing and a little scared because the one before said the same thing in the same way in the same manner yet when it was all said and done he ran away, far off into the distance with the she with no name just a warm place to keep him though the day.
And so now u come my sir lance- a- lot, prince charming in a broke down chariot and yet I take a leap of faith, I walk out to grab hold to your out stretched hand. I free fall, float on clouds, drift away into your eyes and sail into your arms with the thought that I could be his one, I could be the one to change his life and he could love me or so I thought. Until our clouds turn black and we storm and clash and lighting wakes us up and you realize your fears lead you to someone other than me and I realize your afraid of the dark and again I am left standing alone with the promise of a love so real and true that I can only find it in you, or so I thought.
So where does this cycle lead me how many times must I fall for a different guy with the same line? How do I decipher the men from the wolves? How do I offer the right man the right chance without wasting my time? How will I know the one who really loves me has found me and not just one whom I so thought?
And again a deep voice, some thick lips and a hand full of promises lead me out into the middle of nowhere with no one to look to but him and let him lead and he tells me how he’d be nothing without me, how I’m the one, and God created him for me and me for him and I melt, I accept the fact that I’d never know unless I allow myself to give him a chance and just see, because he could really love me this time or so I thought.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Lust and Hate
3:21pm August 12, 2007
She wailed in ecstasy and to him it sounded like the soprano squeals of a trumpet. So with a smile on his face he continued to glide deeper and deeper until he hit that spot that caused her eyes to tear and for her to claw permanent reminders of that night into his back. But he also did not last. Months from that night the screams from her would not be coming from the pains of pleasure and passion but the simple hurt of love. The noises coming from her would no longer welcome his smile, but call an anger that would later send him raging from her home in a defying silence that would say more to her about the man he wasn’t than if he had fought with her.
She wailed in ecstasy and to him it sounded like the soprano squeals of a trumpet. So with a smile on his face he continued to glide deeper and deeper until he hit that spot that caused her eyes to tear and for her to claw permanent reminders of that night into his back. But he also did not last. Months from that night the screams from her would not be coming from the pains of pleasure and passion but the simple hurt of love. The noises coming from her would no longer welcome his smile, but call an anger that would later send him raging from her home in a defying silence that would say more to her about the man he wasn’t than if he had fought with her.
And So It Goes
February 14, 2008
I’m to stubborn to give in/
Yet to weak to go on/
And so it goes/
My heart cant take being right, but feeling so wrong/
I cant see the light through this darkness/ An end to my grief/
And so it goes/
This life I am living though typical is causing me pure madness/ a great disdain/ an incurable sadness/
And so it goes/
How is my need, my desire to be loved becoming my life’s struggle/
I find in you beauty and love so strong/
Yet you see only in me a challenge a love untapped your reason to carry on/
And so it goes/
I cant understand how you want me so bad/
Yet have no thoughts of being my man/
And so it goes/
Just the thought of me alone make you want to burst/
But loving me is never thought of first/
And so it goes/
The idea of love is last on your mind/ first in my heart, yet we can’t compromise/
And so it goes/
A need to be loved/ Not a need for your lust/ not just about who I want but about who I trust/
And so I go on/
A self worth that no man can demean/ building self- esteem/
I forge on to the next this is my life’s test/ so it goes/
I walk alone loving myself until he comes and shows me the love I so deserve
And so it goes/
I’m to stubborn to give in/
Yet to weak to go on/
And so it goes/
My heart cant take being right, but feeling so wrong/
I cant see the light through this darkness/ An end to my grief/
And so it goes/
This life I am living though typical is causing me pure madness/ a great disdain/ an incurable sadness/
And so it goes/
How is my need, my desire to be loved becoming my life’s struggle/
I find in you beauty and love so strong/
Yet you see only in me a challenge a love untapped your reason to carry on/
And so it goes/
I cant understand how you want me so bad/
Yet have no thoughts of being my man/
And so it goes/
Just the thought of me alone make you want to burst/
But loving me is never thought of first/
And so it goes/
The idea of love is last on your mind/ first in my heart, yet we can’t compromise/
And so it goes/
A need to be loved/ Not a need for your lust/ not just about who I want but about who I trust/
And so I go on/
A self worth that no man can demean/ building self- esteem/
I forge on to the next this is my life’s test/ so it goes/
I walk alone loving myself until he comes and shows me the love I so deserve
And so it goes/
Cake vs. Man
Some people may not understand my relationship to cake, they may not get the pleasure or the longing I have to this multifaceted pastry. Some may think it repulsive, mental, off setting. But when you really break it down when you compare the sweet culinary dessert to its counter part, or my counter part the all elusive and indecipherable man, or in this case penis you become renewed with a lust for life that only these things can bring.
See cake never judges, it never puts you down or calculates your worth, it never disrespects you or belittles who you are. It never tells you, your too fat, too thin, too tall, or too ugly to be in its presence. Its accepting and inviting and always loving. Cake only wants to be your friend, your lover. It comes in layers of love and its taste; texture and fillings can cause orgasmic euphoria at times, more than you can say for some of your own best lovers, they can never hit the right spot at the right time. Cake has its on XXX station (the food network) and its king of cake or Ace of Cakes- bring it to us 365 days a year (go cake man). But cakes are often undiscriminating, available to everyone for every major and minor function; birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and just the every day.
Cake can come in portions for you to share or individually wrapped and separately sold. But sometimes cake doesn’t want to be cake, does it then walk out on you and leave you with no phone call, letter or verbal explanation, no. When cake wants to change forms, be different, it becomes its counter part cheesecake. Just as pleasing with its many flavors and desired recipes. And when that’s not good enough for the lactose intolerant, it’s a warm and irresistible fudge brownie, something that can be topped like a cake and eaten fresh, right out the oven.
And when cake wants to celebrate you, be there for you only and make you feel like the special individual you are, it’s a cupcake. A single grace of spongy goodness topped with buttery goodness, piled high.
Not too often does cake disappoint unless its over cooked and dry, made by the wrong hands or a fruit cake. YUK!!
But a man, can he be all this? No, would he try, never? But can he cause that feeling, that longing that I have for cake in him? Can he now become my lemon frosted bundt cake, can he be the desired yellow birthday cake with white frosting? Would he mind being an individually wrapped midnight snack cake that rewards the senses and awakens the sluggish mind, enticing you with every morsel, causing you to abandon your manners and lick every bit of frosting from your finger tips? Could he be the last bit that you lick from the corners of your mouth with a satisfied smile on your face, is man great enough to be my cake?
DAMN I need some cake- bad!!!
*so if you still don’t get it, or maybe your just not trying understand, replace cake with chocolate, pancakes, chicken soup- or anything you’d be so willing to over indulge in that if you found the one you’d give it up, just to replace them as your “cake”. Happy Eating’s.
See cake never judges, it never puts you down or calculates your worth, it never disrespects you or belittles who you are. It never tells you, your too fat, too thin, too tall, or too ugly to be in its presence. Its accepting and inviting and always loving. Cake only wants to be your friend, your lover. It comes in layers of love and its taste; texture and fillings can cause orgasmic euphoria at times, more than you can say for some of your own best lovers, they can never hit the right spot at the right time. Cake has its on XXX station (the food network) and its king of cake or Ace of Cakes- bring it to us 365 days a year (go cake man). But cakes are often undiscriminating, available to everyone for every major and minor function; birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and just the every day.
Cake can come in portions for you to share or individually wrapped and separately sold. But sometimes cake doesn’t want to be cake, does it then walk out on you and leave you with no phone call, letter or verbal explanation, no. When cake wants to change forms, be different, it becomes its counter part cheesecake. Just as pleasing with its many flavors and desired recipes. And when that’s not good enough for the lactose intolerant, it’s a warm and irresistible fudge brownie, something that can be topped like a cake and eaten fresh, right out the oven.
And when cake wants to celebrate you, be there for you only and make you feel like the special individual you are, it’s a cupcake. A single grace of spongy goodness topped with buttery goodness, piled high.
Not too often does cake disappoint unless its over cooked and dry, made by the wrong hands or a fruit cake. YUK!!
But a man, can he be all this? No, would he try, never? But can he cause that feeling, that longing that I have for cake in him? Can he now become my lemon frosted bundt cake, can he be the desired yellow birthday cake with white frosting? Would he mind being an individually wrapped midnight snack cake that rewards the senses and awakens the sluggish mind, enticing you with every morsel, causing you to abandon your manners and lick every bit of frosting from your finger tips? Could he be the last bit that you lick from the corners of your mouth with a satisfied smile on your face, is man great enough to be my cake?
DAMN I need some cake- bad!!!
*so if you still don’t get it, or maybe your just not trying understand, replace cake with chocolate, pancakes, chicken soup- or anything you’d be so willing to over indulge in that if you found the one you’d give it up, just to replace them as your “cake”. Happy Eating’s.
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