He Used to Love Me or So I Thought

June 26, 2007
12:55 am

He once told me stories about how I was the one, how I was the warmth he needed to get to sleep at night. I was kept around by the need to be needed with no strings attached or so at least I thought. But the string so happened to be attached to me. I was the puppet played to the word love used up for the purpose of being wanted but not needed. Kept around as a house keeper wanted for the usage of leaning upon for my strength. I was Superman and he my kryptonite and he sucked me dry got my last tear and my final sigh and so he used to love me or so I thought.
I was the person I thought he called last before he went to bed, but then you find his phone rung long after I hung up and she was also there a secret woman with a different warmth in a different kind of place that held him long after I did so where did this love or lack there of leave me. Left standing on the side of a street waiting for the next one with the pocket full of promises to come along. with the promise of happiness and days full of kisses and the thoughts that when I fall asleep at night, the shivers I have will be comforted by him and the warmth provided by him and him alone. And he’d be there no matter what. And so again I go into this half blind and unknowing and a little scared because the one before said the same thing in the same way in the same manner yet when it was all said and done he ran away, far off into the distance with the she with no name just a warm place to keep him though the day.
And so now u come my sir lance- a- lot, prince charming in a broke down chariot and yet I take a leap of faith, I walk out to grab hold to your out stretched hand. I free fall, float on clouds, drift away into your eyes and sail into your arms with the thought that I could be his one, I could be the one to change his life and he could love me or so I thought. Until our clouds turn black and we storm and clash and lighting wakes us up and you realize your fears lead you to someone other than me and I realize your afraid of the dark and again I am left standing alone with the promise of a love so real and true that I can only find it in you, or so I thought.
So where does this cycle lead me how many times must I fall for a different guy with the same line? How do I decipher the men from the wolves? How do I offer the right man the right chance without wasting my time? How will I know the one who really loves me has found me and not just one whom I so thought?
And again a deep voice, some thick lips and a hand full of promises lead me out into the middle of nowhere with no one to look to but him and let him lead and he tells me how he’d be nothing without me, how I’m the one, and God created him for me and me for him and I melt, I accept the fact that I’d never know unless I allow myself to give him a chance and just see, because he could really love me this time or so I thought.