Ode to the Worst

March 7, 2010

An Ode to the Worst

The worst I ever had/ like a gun with no bang/ Fourth of July with no fireworks/ you’re minus the snap crackle and the pop/ A flat soda no fizz/ a flame with no spark/ A blow pop without the gum/ a tootsie roll that never gets to the center/ You're a paddle with no stroke/ a motor boat with no gas/ In the end you’re an everlasting gobstopper that doesn't last/ You’re a parade with one float/ a balloon with no pop/ for all of the best there are surly some worst/ you’re the worst I’ve ever had/
You’re a dried up lake/ a sunken ship/ a flower that never bloomed/ you’re an un-built house/ a house that never became a home/
You’re a snow slope with no snow/ you’re a Benz sitting on bricks/ you’re a piano with no keys/ you’re a limited cell phone plan/
Surely you must understand you’re the worst I’ve ever had/
You’re a baseball game with no home runs/ a football game with no touch downs/ a basketball game with no slam dunk/ a hockey game no goals/ you’re the losing team/ a defeated player/ you’re the man down/ the lost battle/worse the lost war/
You’re a HOT ASS MESS/
I must confess you’re the worst I’ve ever had/
You’re a Batman with no Robin/ A Super man less the Super/ you’re the Green Lantern with a burnt out bulb/ the Incredible Hulk without much incredibility/
You are the underdog/ you’re Wiley Coyote in every episode/ you’re the Elmer Fudd of life/ you’re Pinky without the Brain
You’re the best of the worst/ ahead as the last/ you’re #1 if we start from the end/ you’re bringing up the rear/ face it you’re just an ass/
You’re a King none the less/ with no Kingdom/ no Crown and no Glory/
You truly are the worst I’ve ever had!

Kinda Guy

He was a B-Ball guy

A six foot tall guy

A player type guy

A well, alright guy

The kinda guy

who had me climbing the walls, guy

He was a fall guy, for the right guy

A one night stand guy,

a kiss don’t tell guy

A someone else’s guy, kinda guy

Who had me crying all night guy

A pick yourself up,

there will be other guys, kinda guy

He was a nice guy

A damn fine guy

A better than ok guy

A kiss tell all your friends kinda guy

A smile at the thought of him kinda guy

A sit on his face, kinda, um yeah guy

A what the hell, messing with your friend,

kinda, kick theirs asses kinda,

stab her kinda, kill him kinda,

in my damn bed, kinda guy

A never get over this kinda guy

He was the rebound guy

A good boy kinda guy

A sweet heart of a guy

A mama’s boy guy

A hold hands in the park,

sweet kisses in the dark kinda guy

A make out guy

An ask permission ‘for he feels you up,

kinda guy

An, I need more kinda guy

But this one he was a passionate

kinda guy

The lover guy

The public displays of affections

kinda guy

The deep long kisses kinda guy

The make love standing in the shower

kinda guy

The hold and cuddle kinda guy

The make him the one kinda guy

The can’t commit kinda guy

The one who leaves

in the middle of the night kinda guy

The lost without his love kinda guy

Now the right kinda guy

Sorta sweet, kinda, bad type of guy

The take care if you right, kinda guy

The displays his affections kinda guy

The show you off kinda guy

Meet his mom kinda guy

Hold your hand, held me tight,

make love all night,

kinda, relax in his arms,

release my tensions kinda guy

He’s a make you smile

throughout the day,

kinda guy

Fall in to his warmth,

wrap his arms around your waist,

kiss the nap of your neck,

smell the scent of your hair,

draw circles on your inner thigh,

whisper in your ear,

smile at the sight of you,

listen intensely to what you have to say,

kinda, wow what a man, no surprises,

he’s all mine kinda guy