Cake vs. Man

Some people may not understand my relationship to cake, they may not get the pleasure or the longing I have to this multifaceted pastry. Some may think it repulsive, mental, off setting. But when you really break it down when you compare the sweet culinary dessert to its counter part, or my counter part the all elusive and indecipherable man, or in this case penis you become renewed with a lust for life that only these things can bring.


See cake never judges, it never puts you down or calculates your worth, it never disrespects you or belittles who you are. It never tells you, your too fat, too thin, too tall, or too ugly to be in its presence. Its accepting and inviting and always loving. Cake only wants to be your friend, your lover. It comes in layers of love and its taste; texture and fillings can cause orgasmic euphoria at times, more than you can say for some of your own best lovers, they can never hit the right spot at the right time. Cake has its on XXX station (the food network) and its king of cake or Ace of Cakes- bring it to us 365 days a year (go cake man). But cakes are often undiscriminating, available to everyone for every major and minor function; birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and just the every day.


Cake can come in portions for you to share or individually wrapped and separately sold. But sometimes cake doesn’t want to be cake, does it then walk out on you and leave you with no phone call, letter or verbal explanation, no. When cake wants to change forms, be different, it becomes its counter part cheesecake. Just as pleasing with its many flavors and desired recipes. And when that’s not good enough for the lactose intolerant, it’s a warm and irresistible fudge brownie, something that can be topped like a cake and eaten fresh, right out the oven.


And when cake wants to celebrate you, be there for you only and make you feel like the special individual you are, it’s a cupcake. A single grace of spongy goodness topped with buttery goodness, piled high.


Not too often does cake disappoint unless its over cooked and dry, made by the wrong hands or a fruit cake. YUK!!


But a man, can he be all this? No, would he try, never? But can he cause that feeling, that longing that I have for cake in him? Can he now become my lemon frosted bundt cake, can he be the desired yellow birthday cake with white frosting? Would he mind being an individually wrapped midnight snack cake that rewards the senses and awakens the sluggish mind, enticing you with every morsel, causing you to abandon your manners and lick every bit of frosting from your finger tips? Could he be the last bit that you lick from the corners of your mouth with a satisfied smile on your face, is man great enough to be my cake?


DAMN I need some cake- bad!!!
*so if you still don’t get it, or maybe your just not trying understand, replace cake with chocolate, pancakes, chicken soup- or anything you’d be so willing to over indulge in that if you found the one you’d give it up, just to replace them as your “cake”. Happy Eating’s.